This is a continuation of Brian’s first reactions to hearing about Matt and Jami being pregnant. Matt and Jami, along with their friends Josh and Jamie and their parents Randy and Dina had all met over at John and Carol’s and were playing baseball at the Adena School next door. The boys were playing baseball so Jami was sitting next to Brain talking to him.
According to Jami, Brian was sitting there running his mouth, as usual and told Jami that he personally was going to teach the baby how to beat Matt up. A brilliant plan really filled with a story made for Hollywood. Jaded little brother exacts revenge of years of being picked on by turning his brothers first-born child against him.
As if to prove his toughness Brian went on to brag about how there were only three people that he was scared of. M was first on his list. A good call by Brian, and M will be happy to know that she has her man trained. He was quick to show is fear of a woman’s wrath, especially from his own woman. Second on this list was Uncle Glenn. Glenn is one of the nicest men I have ever met, I have no idea why Brian would be scared of him, but congratulations are in order I suppose, it’s a very short list apparently. And Jami forgot who the third person was. How is Matt not on that list? How is mom or dad not on that list? Perplexing, but that’s Brian for ya.
Jami then tried to ensure that Brian’s ego would be able to fit in the house and told him that he was a big p@ss and that no one was scared of him because we all knew he wouldn’t do any of that anyway. Smart move to squash that down, otherwise Brian would have gone on all day about his nefarious plot to teach the baby to beat up Matt.
But we all know Brian. He will not lose this verbal confrontation. In order to get his point across and to ensure that he has the final word he goes WAY over the top and past the line. Of course he has no idea what he is about to say, he just throws a combination of words together that he knows are bad words, he just doesn’t know what they mean. It’s like the time he was calling Matt a homo. Brian had no idea that homo was a derogatory way to make fun of someone who is gay. He just called Matt that because Matt was still living at home. Brian knew the word was bad, he had heard it used, how it was used and the reaction it got. See, he pays attention better than we all think. He just had no idea the real meaning, because he had never looked it up. This was exactly the case here, because this is what he said:
I know you are probably still a little shocked, but keep in mind Brian has no clue what he’s saying, he just knows it’s mean. See, now it’s pretty funny. Jami immediately told Brian that was unacceptable and that she was going to tell Carol what he just said. Meanwhile Brian had rushed into the house to get his phone to call M to brag to her about what he had just done. It was a crowning moment for Brian, he had just pissed someone off.
Jami backed up her threat and went to go tell Carol. Mount Carol erupted violently. She shot up off the swings at Adena and ran in the house after Brian. You could hear her yelling at him from the school, hell probably from Indiana. Eventually she was able to explain why it was inappropriate and why he nor anyone else could call the baby, or anyone else that. Brian eventually understood.
When he was asked where he had heard such a combination of words Brian did the typical Wenstrup maneuver, he through someone in front of the bus. He said that he had heard it from Matt. Nice. Another opportunity to stick it to Matt, check. Of course what Brian doesn’t realize is that Matt didn’t get in trouble nor would Matt have cared if someone yelled at him for it.
I do have trouble believing Brian’s debriefing though. While he MIGHT have heard Matt use any or all of those words, he certainly never heard Matt use that particular grouping of those words. There is no one in the world that would use that grouping of those words except perhaps a foreigner who doesn’t have full command of the English language. We have all known that exchange student that first learns how to curse in English and we have them do it over and over again because the way they combine words is hilarious, same with Brian. He curses so rarely and when he does, he really doesn’t know he is, so it makes it all the more funny.
For all those interested, Brian did come back out and apologize to Jami. I think that once Carol explained what he had really just said Brian felt pretty bad about it.
But the damage is done, that baby will forever be WJP to me. Thank you Brian.