Do you like Chinese people?

Pop quiz, how many "Chinese" people do you see here?

Jesy and I decided to go up and visit her uncle Glenn (Scrooge) and Brian and have dinner with them last night.  Glenn had been “babysitting” Brian for the last week while John and Carol were on the cruise with Jesy, Matt, Jami and I.  We figured that Glenn could use some adult conversation and a break from Brian’s wackiness.  Glenn might be the most patient person on Earth to be able to not only tolerate Brian, but to willingly volunteer to watch over him for two weeks.  Sainthood is in his future.  Plus, it was a good opportunity to say hi to Brian, who we had not seen since before the cruise and give him his gift we got him while in Haiti.  Little did I know what was in store, but I really should have figured it would be something.

As we sit down to eat dinner Brian leans close to me and does his best to whisper, which in reality is only slightly quieter than screaming and tells me to “watch this.”  My interest is immediately peaked.  How could it not be?  When Brian says to “watch this”, it can only spell disaster or hilarity.  Normally both.

He looks at Jesy straight-faced and asks her if she likes Chinese people.  WHAT?  For a split second we all just sat there and stared trying to process what the hell he just asked.  One of us might have even asked him to repeat it just to make sure that we heard him correct, but there was no mistaking, Brian just asked Jesy if she liked Chinese people.  After the initial shock finally wore off Jesy asked Brian what the hell he was talking about and what relevance it had to ANYTHING.  Brian, stubborn but with purpose just asked her the same question again, do you like Chinese people?  Jesy cautiously and curiously answered yes but again asked him why it mattered.

Are you ready for this?

His response was, “Well then you should watch Never Back Down.” Remember that horrifying movie that I have told you that Brian has been trying to get Jesy and I to watch for like 6 months? Well, Brian with his steel trap memory and stubborn determination to make sure we watch it has reared it’s ugly head yet again.

Two amazing events just happened.  One, Brian is getting smarter.  Two, he deliberately set Jesy up.  I have to admit it was almost perfect!  Why almost?  Well, I’ll get to that in a little bit.  Jesy looked like she just got hit in the face by Mike Tyson.  Brian had trapped her, had out-smarted her.  She didn’t have two legs to stand on.  It might be one of the single greatest moments Brian has ever had.  Not to worry though, he would quickly return to typical Brian form in 3…2…1….

I asked Brian why the hell was he so hung up on this movie and he said it looked good.  Wait, what?  When he handed me this movie 6 months ago he told me that it WAS a good movie, as in he had already watched it and it WAS so good that Jesy and I would really like it.  Of course IF that were true, Brian clearly has no idea what our movie tastes are, especially concerning Jesy.  But lets backtrack for a second.  Brian, did you not actually watch this movie?  Because you just said it LOOKED good, not it WAS good.  Nope.  He apparently watched 5 minutes of it and just thought it would be good.  What the hell Ebert?  How are you making judgements on movies after 5 minutes?  Did Brian just suddenly turn into Jay Sherman?

Watch out Jay, Brian's aiming for your job!

But it gets better.  Remember that initial question he asked?  The one that seemingly came form left field?  The one that might or might not be racist?  ”Do you like Chinese people?”  That one.  Yeah, well when I got home I got to thinking about that question as I was starting to write this blog and I went downstairs to get the DVD to confirm my suspicions.  And I was right, there are no “Chinese” people in this movie.  It’s a bunch of white kids and a black guy.  It’s an action movie with fighting, after watching just about every Jackie Chan movie to date Brian clearly was just assuming that this was another “Jackie Chan” type movie.  This of course calls into question whether or not Brian actually watched 5 minutes of this movie, or whether he actually even ever looked at the cover of the damn DVD that showcases all the before mentioned white kids and one black guy.

Well Brian, looks like you are busted.  Busted for having horrendous movie taste, busted for lying and busted for possibly, albeit unknowingly, being a racist.

Just another conversation with Brian.