The Tie Breaker that Wasn’t.
It finally happened. There was a split decision on movie night. You see, back when I started movie night the rule was if we could not come to a consensus as to which movie to watch I would have to call Brian and he would be the final vote.
The idea behind that was that NO ONE would want Brian to make the call, thus forcing everyone to make a decision. Not yesterday. It came down to Sherlock Holmes or Boondock Saints II, All Saints Day. So reluctantly I called Brian to see what his ruling would be.
Let me just say King Solomon he is not. I tell Brian the situation, keep in mind due to allergies and the remnants of a cold I sound like Joan Rivers choking on a chicken bone, it’s horrible. So, Brian might have trouble hearing me, which makes a bad situation worse. Knowing this I am practically screaming in the phone and I ask Brian which movie we should watch, Boondock Saints or Sherlock Holmes.
His answer, Boondock Holmes. Of course. I hang my head and shake it slowly. Then I take the next five minutes slowly explaining to him that these are two separate movies and then reminding him that it was his job to help determine what movie we watch in the case of a tie. I had told him this a long time ago and to be ready, but somehow HE actually forgot I think.
Looking back, maybe he was just suggesting in a backwards Brian way that we should watch both? Nahhhhhhh.
I thank Brain for his confusing, albeit necessary ruling and I’m about to hang up the phone when Brian launches a brand new topic from left field.
Brian: Oh by the way when are you going to make Jes watch Never Back Down?
This is some horrible looking Fight Club/Lion Heart wanna be movie that Brian seems to think Jesy and I will like and he gave it to me about 3 months ago. I have vowed not to watch it until Jesy sits down and watches it with me, because that’s what Brian wanted. Of course Jesy refuses to watch it knowing that it will be about an hour and a half of her life that would be better spent cutting coupons, or doing her cuticles. But I stand fast and I tell Brian that I have tried on several occasions (and I really have) to get Jes to watch it, but for whatever reason she won’t. Brian’s suggestion, as always is to give her the “eagle landing on a branch.” A little trick I showed him like 7 years ago in which you essentially slap someones leg. He thinks its comedic gold.
Satisfied that he has exhausted that subject he fires another random topic at me. Well random for most, but I saw it coming. You see, in any conversation Brian and I have he will always ask or tell me when the Reds, Bengals, Xavier or when a certain wrestler is wrestling. It just depends on the season. With that I’m sure you all can sense what was coming.
Brian: The Reds are playing at 7:10.
I was shocked. The last week he had always ASKED what time the Reds were playing, this time he was ahead of the game. He was prepared which left me almost dumbfounded, but in my confusion Brian quickly switched gears and again blasts me with another random topic.
Brian: Hey, so where should M and I go for our anniversary?
What was supposed to be a 5 minute conversation AT MOST was turning into a nightmare of randomness. So, Rick and I quiz him on what she likes, what he likes, how much he wants to spend and so on. Brian goes on and on about money apparently not being a problem, he says he has plenty of that, but then he contradicts himself and states that he only wants to spend $40 tops on dinner. That’s for both dinners, not separately, yeah Brian, you’re a regular Daddy Warbucks aren’t you?
We decide that with Brian’s money cap and judging on what Brian was wanting he should take her to Texas Roadhouse. Not the classiest choice for an anniversary dinner, but I’m sure those two kids will have a great time.
But Brian wasn’t done.
Brian: You need to have Jes call me.
Brian: So she can help me pick something out for M’s anniversary gift.
Me: What did you end up getting her for her birthday?
Brian: A bracelet (Which was my idea, thank you.)
Rick: Get her a necklace.
Me: No, he did that one for Valentines Day.
Rick: What about earings?
Brian: That might not work, I don’t think she has her ears pierced.
Me: Brian, you have been dating for a year, how the hell don’t you know if your girlfriend has her ears pierced?
Brian: I don’t know.
Me: Well Brian, I would find that out first and then go from there. In any case I will have Jesy call you.
You see what I did there? I shoveled this mess on to Jesy. I just used the opening that Brian gave me before and thought about how this conversation was never going to end unless I ended it. Sorry Jes, collateral damage.
Brian, however had different plans, before I could hang up the phone he fires again.
Brian: I’m tired of this crap.
WHAT?! Does anyone have any guess what the hell this could be about? Yeah me either, but like the dumbass I am, I indulge him.
Me: What are you talking about Brian?
Brian: This M crap, you know why she won’t call me back and stuff.
UGHHHHH. Not this again. The last three times I have talked to or seen Brian he has complained about M not answering when he calls, or she will call him like 20 times when he is napping and then won’t answer when he calls her back another 20 times. It’s quite the vicious cycle. What cracks me up is that he can go from talking about getting her an anniversary present to being pissed at her in under 5 minutes. He is a teenager after all.
I in turn told Brian that I was sick too. Sick of hearing him bitch about this. I told him the same thing I have told him the last two times, work out a schedule with her. Like from 6-8 everyday is the time that they can block out to talk, or whatever works for them. But it would seem to me that they need to be on some sort of schedule since they keep missing each other.
Clearly not the answer he was looking for, but he reluctantly accepts it. That of course means that he will just bitch about it again the next time I see him and will continue to do so until I give him an answer he wants to hear.
Finally it was time to hang up. We say our goodbyes and my phone at this point has timed out and I have to hit a few buttons to make the screen pop up again so that I can hang up the phone. I of course had Brian on speaker phone, so in my dabbling Brian could hear Rick talking in the background.
Brian: Hey, your still there!
Fearful that this might spur yet another random topic I scrambled and just hung up the phone. CLICK, eat dial tone B! Sweating bullets and staring at the phone I held my breath anticipating the dreaded call back, but there was just silence….beautiful silence, followed by laughter at the whole situation.
I barely made it out of this one alive. Whew.