Brian's Cruisin' for a Brusin'.

Yup, Brian's ready for the cruise alright.

Interestingly enough Brian decided to call Jesy last night with his full-blown emergency.  Normally Brian calls me, but I think that is when he needs advice between the hours of 8 am till about 5 pm.  He knows better than to call Jesy at work, so he bothers me during that time.  Luckily I was there and demanded that she put it on speaker phone.  The following is the result of that phone call.

Brian:  M asked me to go on a cruise with her and I don’t know what to do.

Us:  What do you mean you don’t know what to do?

Brian:  Like should I go or not.

At this point Jesy and I are just looking at each other trying to figure out the logistics behind Brian going on a cruise and with another family on top of that.  While our brains were digesting that, the questions continued.

Us:  Brian, are you sure M asked you to go on this cruise?

Brian:  Yeah.

Us:  When is this cruise Brian, where are they going?

Brian: they’re going in 3 weeks.

Jesy: Brian, you just can’t randomly go on a cruise in 3 weeks without planning.  You might have to get a passport and that takes 4-6 weeks.  Sorry pal!

Brian: Oh, yeah.

Us:  We don’t think you should go Brian.

Brian:  Yeah I was kind of thinking that, but I wasn’t sure.

Us:  Brian, you wouldn’t have any fun on a cruise.  There is no TV, no video games and you will have to hang out with M all day every day for as long as the cruise is.  Hell Brian you call us half the time complaining about M, could you really put up with her for a whole week, just you and her?

Brian watching TV on the cruise. What's wrong buddy, no reception? Hope that thing wasn't a carry on!

Brian:  That’s true, but I can just watch TV

Us:  Brian we just told you, there is no TV, you are in the middle of the ocean.

Brian:  Frick.

Us:  Plus Brian what are you going to do about medication and what happens if you have a seizure?  Brian, one of us would have to go with you, that’s just the bottom line.  Where’s mom, let’s talk to her.

Brian:  She’s on the phone with Mrs. Hientzman.

At this point it was clear that this whole idea was ridiculous.  I was starting to suspect that Brian had either got the story wrong or he was missing some important facts.  but that is half the fun in a Brian story, getting to the actual facts.  Mom would help clear that up, but she was on the phone with Judy, and god only knows how long a conversation between those two could last.  I might have another birthday before we get this settled.

We decide to keep talking to Brian and wait out the Carol/Judy conversation, hoping to get to the bottom of all this.  We just keep spitting out more reasons why this is a bad idea and Brian just keeps repeating himself over and over.

“I just didn’t know what to do.”

“Well she asked me and I was like what, huh.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know what was going on.”

Those same three things or a variation of them for the next 5 minutes until Carol finally decided to inhale.  So, we finally get Carol on the horn and ask her the pivotal question, “what the hell is going on?”

Carol explains that M STATED, not asked, that it would be nice IF Brian could go on the cruise with them.

GOD DAMMIT BRIAN!  That little shit got us again.  Hell we probably talked to him for 20 minutes trying to think about this rationally and trying to explain to him why this was a bad idea.  Trying to help him and make sure he understands.

All that for nothing, she never even freaking asked him to go.  Are you serious?

Jesy was PISSED to say the least.  She demanded that Carol hand the phone back to Brian, as she was passing off the phone you could hear Carol tell Brian, “That’s bullshit Brian.”  Well said Carol.

Even George was astounded at the word combinations Jesy was using.

Once Brian gets the phone back Jesy launches into a fit of screaming and cursing that would have made George Carlin blush.  She was just burying Brian with reprimands.

Brian’s only response, “What, do you think I knew?”

Dammit Brian you should know better than that by now.  Are you serious?  How are you going to call people with a sudo emergency and not have the facts straight?  I mean you seemed pretty sure before and now you are back peddling faster that John Edwards.

All that for nothing, 30 minutes of our lives that we will never get back.  And some parting advice for Brian.  “Just the facts ma’am, just the facts.”