So my phone goes off last night, “HELP! I need somebody, HELP!” That’s right I gave Brian a distinct ringer, and what better than The Beatles, “Help!” right?
It was just after movie night and Rick and I were just hanging out, so I thought, ah what the hell, let’s see what Brian wants. This is the following conversation between Rick, Brian and I.
- Yes Brian?
- Did you hear about Miley Cyrus?
At no point have I ever told Brian that I like Miley Cyrus, as a matter of fact I generally spend most of my time making fun of not only Brian for liking Miley, but his older brother Matt as well. So, I am not quite sure at this point why Brian would think that I would have ANY interest in anything to do with the next “mother by the time she’s 20 and mental breakdown by the time she is 25.” But that won’t stop Brian.
- No Brian, I have not heard anything about Miley Cyrus.
- [wejikf [qio4ut-q 4qrekfjq3o4i nu1v-340 2341 v4o0i =2430 =02943
Don't be alarmed, I know that last sentence doesn't make sense. What you might not know is that Brian has a horrible mumbling problem sometimes.
- What Brian?
- jklansdvpbn a[lasoedij [ a[woeij f oai f[oijh [aslej[qwi lksdjf[asdk
- Miley Cyrus is going to move out of her parents house if she isn't allowed to live with her boyfriend.
- You can translate that?
Thank god Rick was there, I might never have made it through that conversation (again, Rick is in the green)!
- Brian, why are you telling me this?
- I thought you would want to look it up on the internet.
- Brian how did you hear about it?
- On the internet. I am on the internet with my PS3.
- Brian are you looking up porn?
- No George, God, frick!
- Well Brian that's what the internet is for, you know that right?
- Whatever George.
Brian just got the PS3 for Christmas, and of course it has pretty much consumed him since. But, the new discovery is the internet on the PS3. Matt came over a couple weeks ago and showed Brian how to surf for porn. Of course Brian could care less about the porn, but this will allow him to cyber stalk Miley Cyrus.
- Alright Brian, just for you I will go look this up right now. What website are you on?
- Google it.
- Google what?
- Google Miley Cyrus's boyfriend.
- Alright Brian I just did and I don't see any story about her leaving home.
- What website are you on Brian?
- In the address bar up at the top it should say http://www.something.com, do you see that?
- Well what does it say?
Getting Brian to give you valuable information is much like getting Rosie O’Donnell to stop being a fat bitch, it just ain’t going to happen. Plus I am asking a virtually blind kid to find a web address. I work in IT, getting anyone to give you a URL can be more complicated than what it is.
- Are you sure it says that Brian? That doesn’t sound right.
- Yeah that’s what it says.
I , of course, knew that it didn’t say that, but just for giggles I decided, at the cost of spam, to go to that exact “site.”
- Ummmm, Brian that is not a real site.
- Google it then.
- Brian I already did that, I got nothing.
- Try mileycyrusNEWboyfriend.com
- Ummm, same result Brian, I don’t think you know what I am talking about.
- OK, so when is mom coming home?
Alright a couple things here. One, I have now clearly exhausted Brian’s enthusiasm for Miley Cyrus. That is a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that it was a ridiculous topic for me to be discussing with Brian anyway, what is that girl like 17? I feel dirty for even talking about her this much.
Two, notice what Brian did there? As always he changed the subjects faster than Lindsay Lohan can get her panties off. Brian LOVES to talk, so if he feels we have exhausted one subject, Brian will not wait for a good segue, he will just dive in headlong into a new subject.
- Brian, I don’t know. Why would I know what time mom is coming home?
- Well frick, she is at stupid dinner with Jes, why don’t you give Jes a call?
- I am not interrupting their night Brian, why can’t you just play Play Station or keep cyber stalking Miley Cyrus, or even better look at some porn like a normal 19-year-old kid?
- I need to know what time to go to bed.
- Brian, what time to you normally go to bed?
- I don’t know.
- You don’t know? Brian you are 19, how do you not know what time you go to bed?
- I never look at a the clock.
At this point there is no use in arguing with Brian, just tell him what he wants to hear and get off the phone before he seamlessly transitions into another topic that will not even closely be related to the conversation he and I are currently having.
- Alright Brian, well it should be soon, so take your medicine and get ready.
- Well there is one pill that is too big, I don’t want to choke.
- Well take all the others and wait to take that one for when mom gets home.
- Alright, will do.
- Alright, see you tomorrow Brian.
- Alright, take care, will do.
I was a little sad to hang up the phone, I do love having these nonsensical conversations with Brian. It allows me to see the world through Brian’s eyes, but it also makes me laugh, not at Brian, but how he interprets things. And sometimes you just need a good laugh.